#6 Feelings First
The Question That Changes Everything: “How Did That Make You Feel?”
Parents often ask about assignments, grades, and behavior. When’s it due? How hard was it? Why’d you do that? These questions focus on performance, not connection. And teens can feel like they’re always under review instead of truly understood.
What if you swapped those questions for one simple phrase: “How did that make you feel?”
Why Feelings First Matters
It shifts the focus from judgment to empathy. Your child learns their emotions matter more than their mistakes.
It builds emotional intelligence. By naming feelings, teens grow better at understanding themselves.
It opens the door to trust. When kids feel heard emotionally, they’re more likely to share openly in the future.
What It Looks Like
Instead of: “When is it due?”
Say: “How did you feel about getting that assignment?”Instead of: “Why did you make that choice?”
Say: “How did you feel afterward?”Instead of: “You made bad choices.”
Say: “What feelings came up when that happened?”
The Joey Test
Think of Joey from Friends with his famous line: “How you doin’?” It’s light, curious, and inviting. Imagine channeling that energy with your teen—open, not interrogating.
The Heart of Parenting
Your child doesn’t need another critic. They need a coach who helps them explore what’s happening inside. When you ask about feelings first, you model empathy, self-awareness, and connection.
