#3 Say What?
The Power of Listening: Why Hearing Is Different From Understanding
We’ve all been there—you’re in a conversation, nodding along, maybe even repeating back a few words. But when the person finishes talking, you realize you weren’t really listening. You heard the words, but you didn’t actually take them in.
In communication therapy, this comes up all the time: one person feels invisible because the other is “hearing” but not understanding.
Hearing vs. Understanding
Hearing is passive. It’s letting sound pass through your ears.
Understanding is active. It’s paying attention, slowing down, and letting the words—and the feelings behind them—land.
True listening requires effort. It’s less about crafting the “perfect response” and more about making space for the other person to feel seen.
Why Listening Matters
When we don’t feel understood, we shut down. We argue more, withdraw more, or get louder just to prove a point. But when we feel truly listened to, everything shifts:
Couples feel closer and safer.
Parents and kids build trust.
Workplaces become healthier and more productive.
How to Listen to Understand
Pause before responding. Give yourself a breath before jumping in with advice or defense.
Reflect back feelings, not just facts. Try: “It sounds like you’re frustrated,” instead of “You said you were late.”
Be present. Put down your phone, turn your body toward them, and show with your eyes and posture that you’re engaged.
Stay curious. Ask, “Tell me more,” or “What was that like for you?”
The Gift of True Listening
Listening is more than a skill—it’s an act of love. It says, “You matter. Your words matter. Your heart matters.”
When you choose to listen beyond words, you give your partner, your child, or your friend one of the greatest gifts: the feeling of being understood.
