#2 The Gift of Growth
Recognizing Growth as a Gift: When Your Partner or Child Redefines Who They Are
It’s easy to spot growth when it’s physical. A child gets taller, and suddenly their jeans don’t fit. A teen’s voice changes, and we nod, “They’re growing up.” We mark the milestones—birthdays, grade levels, driver’s licenses. We buy new shoes, take new pictures, and celebrate the changes.
But what about emotional growth? Mental growth? Spiritual growth?
When the people we love—our partner, our teen, our child—begin to shift who they are on the inside, it doesn’t always come with a new pair of jeans to clue us in. Sometimes it looks like new opinions, new needs, or even new boundaries. And that can feel uncomfortable.
The Tension of Change
I often hear couples say, “They’re not the same person I married.” Or parents sigh, “I don’t recognize my child anymore.”
Here’s the truth: They’re not the same—and neither are you. Every day, each of us grows in small, almost invisible ways. Our experiences, challenges, and relationships shape us into someone slightly new. The real challenge isn’t in stopping growth—it’s in learning how to recognize it, honor it, and welcome it into the relationship.
Growth as a Blessing
What if we reframed growth as a gift? Instead of saying, “You’ve changed,” with frustration, we could say, “I see how you’re growing—and I want to know more about who you’re becoming.”
That mindset shift transforms relationships. It tells your partner or your child, “I’m committed not just to who you were yesterday, but to who you are today and who you’re becoming tomorrow.”
How to Recognize Growth in Your Relationships
Be curious, not critical. When your teen develops new interests or your spouse voices new ideas, ask questions instead of shutting them down. Curiosity creates connection.
Update your “mental snapshot.” The picture you carry in your head of your partner or child might be outdated. Refresh it regularly by noticing who they are right now.
Celebrate inner milestones. We clap when a child takes their first steps—why not celebrate when they learn how to handle disappointment, resolve conflict, or show empathy?
Give space for becoming. Growth is sometimes messy. Allow your loved one to try, stumble, and reframe without demanding they stay who they were yesterday.
A Relationship That Grows With You
Recognizing growth isn’t just about them—it’s also about you. As you practice acknowledging and celebrating change in your loved ones, you open the door for your own growth to be seen and valued.
Healthy relationships are not built on staying the same. They’re built on staying together through the changes.
So the next time you notice your partner or child showing up differently, pause. See the growth. Honor it. And whisper a quiet prayer of thanks: This is a blessing, not a loss.
