You’ve finally agreed to try couples counseling. Then you open a directory and find twenty profiles that all say some version of “I help couples reconnect.” How do you figure out who can actually help with what’s happening in your relationship?
Ask what their couples work looks like
Look for a licensed therapist with specific training and experience in couples counseling. Then ask how they work with the concern that brought you in. Rebuilding trust after an affair can call for a different starting point than learning how to get through a disagreement without shutting down.
Use the consultation to ask real questions
What training do you have in couples counseling, and how often do you work with couples?
What would our first few sessions look like?
What do you do if we start having our usual argument right in front of you?
How will we know whether our work together is helping?
How long are sessions, and what should we expect to pay?
You’re listening for answers you can picture. A therapist might explain how they’d slow down a heated conversation, help each of you understand what the other heard, and guide you through trying a different response.
Check in with each other afterward
Did you both feel heard? Did the therapist ask questions that helped them understand each of you? Could you picture telling them what actually happens at home, even the parts you usually leave out?
I’m Kelley Yell. At Guided Solutions Relationship Center in Troy, I offer Gottman-informed couples counseling. If you’d like to talk through what’s bringing you in and see how I’d approach it, you’re both welcome to join the consultation. Request a couples consultation.
